On Assignment

Good Morning, Dad.

I know you've been up for quite some time this morning. I'm guessing you have a few miles under your belt, you've had a couple cups of coffee and have been to the padaria for some fresh bread. (I'm so jealous.) I've awake since about six but didn't want to admit it. But I finally made some coffee and have been thinking about what to say and what not to say about this past week to you.
It's funny, I know it's going to be hard to tell you about this week because I know that it is going to rub up against so much of your theology. And yet your the person I most want to share this all with right now. I want to tell you because I want to share it with you but I don't because I don't want to feel rejected. But the truth is, I know it's important for me to share it BECAUSE I need to own my journey even if you don't approve or agree. It's part of me not allowing your approval to become idolatrous to me. It's part of me not being afraid to acknowledge God's calling on my life. Funny how sometimes it's the people we love the most that are the hardest to share with.
Now see...I've judged your reaction and set you up so that your all defensive before I even begin and that's not fair. I'll try to give you the benefit of the doubt that you will be open minded. (Just letting you inside my head, dear Daddy.)
Where to begin...well Julie Andrews says the very beginning is a very good place to start. Last year when we were planning to come to Brazil--I needed a way to earn some money. I had been praying about it, and one day picked up the Merchandiser and saw an add for a serving position. I remembered the restaurant...Matt and I had been there twice, once for our anniversary and once for Valentine's Day. It was a beautiful restaurant on a beautiful piece of property. It was part time and I just decided to call. I had served the summer before college in a restaurant, and so wasn't completely inexperienced, but it had been a long time. I got a call back that same day and ended up going in for an interview that same afternoon. The woman who was hiring was a Christian and we talked very openly about our faith. I let her know how little experience I had and she said that she wasn't unwilling to train someone if they were the right person for the job. She said she and her husband were going to pray over the decision and get back to me within a week.
It was interesting how things sort of developed. Now I know that the Lord spoke to them and they knew that God had placed me there and they were to hire me. (I didn't know that at the time.) I just knew that God was providing a job for me when I didn't have to hire a sitter and I wasn't away from the kids for large chunks of my week. And I loved the beauty of the grounds. The restaurant was beautiful.
It was sometime after that I learned more about the situation I had walked into. The Inn was owned by two men. The Christian couple that hired me were the Inn Keepers, and were living at the Inn and managing the business. (I'll call her Ink here forward.) They have sort of a work to own agreement with the owners.
The more I worked there, the more I began to see evidence that all was not well with the situation. And as I learned more I realized there was a reason the Lord sent me there, but I was not exactly sure what it was. I began to see that a lot of what was happening behind the scenes was not above board, and I felt the pressure the couple was under to follow unethical practices. As I prayed for them the Lord told me very clearly that He wanted them to have this land, but that they needed to do things His way. I also saw that there was an enormous amount of oppression coming at them and the importance of spiritual warfare in the situation. I knew it was a "word" but I honestly wasn't sure what to do with it.
One afternoon, I was working a weekend wedding, which I did when the restaurant closed. (I usually got assigned to the demanding bridezillas because they discovered that my presence seemed to be soothing.) In a lull, Ink took me out back and out of the blue she looked at me straight in the eye and accused me, "You know something, don't you?" I felt a bit uncomfortable, because since I had been working there we didn't seem to be on the best of terms and there's nothing like telling your boss the sort of message I had, but I sensed a "go" from the Lord and began to tell her something pretty close to this. "Well, I'm telling you this because you are asking me, but I know the Lord wants you to have this land. But it seems that you are trying to get it unethically and justifying the means by the end. The Lord is saying to me that you need to do it His way in order to receive His blessing." Then I told her what I saw. "Every time you go into the presence of the owners, it's almost like they paint you in black tar (spiritually). It's like they are rubbing off on you, covering you in oppression, and it is incredibly important that you cover and cleanse yourself in the blood of Christ when you interact with them."
Ink softened visibly and acknowledged everything I said was true and very helpful. I assured her I would continue to pray and I was so encouraged, because I thought for sure now things between us would be much better. Instead, everything got worse. Ink and her husband were showing signs of cracking under all the pressure. It began to be evident there were some real struggles in Ink's life. To put it in her words to me this week, she was very angry and was being really mean. I did not escape her wrath and many times I would come home in tears to Matt. It was as if I could do nothing right no matter how hard I tried. If I was great with my customers and they loved me and complimented me and gave me a great tip I got in trouble for spending too much time with them and letting them "rot by the windowsill". If I tried to be friendly with the chef in the kitchen then we obviously didn't have enough to do so we were given extra chores. And eventually we were sent an e-mail that there was to be no talking in the kitchen. It was on the verge of ridiculous and I was sorely tried. To make matters worse, Ink's sister in law is a baby Christian and works at the Inn. She was in tears most days because she was cracking under the way Ink was treating her and trying to understand how this was Christan behavior. "If that's how a Christian is supposed to be than I don't want to be like that," she would say to me. I felt torn. I tried to help her see the truth about God and herself, but it was hard not to do that without calling out Ink's behavior as wrong. I constantly felt like I was on a tightrope between being a light and enabling gossip. It was such a struggle. I was so relieved when I went to Brazil in December. I asked them if they would agree to not working until the busy season began in May/June of the following year, and was secretly hoping the Lord would release me from the job completely.
(OK, Dad, we are off to church. I did tell you the Lord gave me a Church, right? He told me where to go. I love it when He makes it clear like that. I had gone to pray with Rev. Mary for a mission's team that is going to Africa from the church and when I walked in the Sanctuary the Lord told me that was where I was to go to church. It's where Mary and Steve go. You'll like it. It's BIC (think Messiah) and one of the teaching Pastor's--Josh--graduated from Biblical Seminary--I really enjoy his teaching--finally feels like home. The girls like the Children's program, which is important too.)